Friday, February 4, 2011
We(cough cough)...I had dreams of making enough money to buy our dream house, furnishings, vacation homes, 3 or maybe 4 perfect children(2 boys & 2 girls) that we would send on to the "best" colleges. God must have just been rollin' around laughing in Heaven! Don't get me wrong, we still hope to have 3 or 4 perfect children...we are thinking of adoption. That was before I realized that we are called to live for God's will not our own. I had a re-version back to my Catholic faith and for the first time, I took a deep long look at it and saw the beauty of it's truth and light. And I knew I could never be the same. It took me 10 years to find an acceptable level of contentment, and that took many challenges to break me enough to accept it. Every year it gets a tad better..it takes many Masses and lots of time pouring my heart out to my Love in Adoration. In some ways, I know I will never be content and the whole time Don just wishing I would be. I don't walk around with a huge smile and sweetness exuding from me, but I can lose it one minute, hollering at the kids to stop fighting or pick up their stuff, and the very next moment, scoop up a little one(or big one) and cover them with unleashed affection..all without blinking an eye.....that defines happiness for me, a little bit of hectic insanity mixed up with plenty of cuddles, acceptance...and contentment.