Monday, February 21, 2011
Adoration Instills Hope
I don't go to Adoration because I am a good and holy person, I go because I am not. As I enter, the weeks accrual of sins, failings, struggles, frustrations, and worries throws me to my knees. I feel like the very worst sinner on earth. At times, the scorching heat of shame prevents me from making eye contact with our Eucharistic Lord. How could it be that I am even allowed to be in the presence of perfection Himself?? As I reveal the entire sordid messy contents of my soul and beg for forgiveness, mercy, understanding, deliverance, healing, and guidance, a wonderful sensation begins to envelope me like a soft breeze. It happens so subtly and slowly that it's almost unnoticeable...almost. That sensation is hope. The hope that sanctity is within reach for all of us...even the very worst sinner on earth. This happens every time, sometimes I wonder if I am delusional or just plain crazy to believe that it's possible given my history of repeated offenses?? That is the beauty of hope, it's always fresh and new...and always within our grasp through the mercy and grace of God. Not to be mistaken, Adoration does not replace confession, but rather, it's a compliment to the sacrament. And so I will return hopefully until my dying days, to receive my weekly dose of hope.