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Thursday, April 28, 2011

Phone Limits

My two little boys, Benny and Charlie, have been a REAL challenge to me over the last year and a half. They were fighting most of the time and someone was always crying, yelling, screaming, and or injured. I didn't know what to do other than to pray...hard! I came to the conclusion that I needed to focus on them more and on me less, starting with limiting my phone conversations. For the past month and a half, I haven't spent more than 5 minutes at a time on the phone except for when they are in bed, or with Daddy. What a dramatic difference it has made!!! They are getting along better and I have even spotted some good behavior and genuine care and concern for each other!! Sometimes, I forget how pivotal my role as a mother is, they need to know that I am watching and that I care about what they are doing. Benny has become much more affectionate with me and we have been reading together more often...Charlie even likes to get in on the reading action. I have spent so much time feeling sorry for myself and allowing myself to feel rundown and often, I have felt incapable of changing or motivating myself to wake up and LOVE my family. They NEED me. I am not important to the world, but I AM important to them. Primarily, I will be judged on my vocation as a mother. My other commitments, although very good, don't even come close to that level of importance. It will always be a challenge to maintain that delicate balance of my vocation as a mother and feeling as though I am a contributing member of society....but I must remember that by being a loving and involved mother, I am contributing future well formed God-fearing citizens.(hopefully!!) Mothers have the power to change the world with love, tenderness, and mercy. Sweet Mary our Mother, help all mothers to wear your gentle mantle of grace and selflessness.

7 comments:

  1. What a post. Aaron and I just recently had a conversation about my role, and how the most. important. thing. I. do. is take care of our children. Other things can, and should, take second priority. The balance is a hard one to strike sometimes, but it sounds like you are having some great success. Good job, Debi.

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  2. thanks for opening my own eyes to this. I have a different problem though, I use my phone to check fb, google reader, and email. So i'm constantly looking at it. I need to make more time without having my phone attached to me and be with my kids. I'm sure it will improve my daughters behavior

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  3. My problem isn't so much the phone as it is the laptop. Thank you for your post...it's reminding me that I CAN wait until the little one is down for a nap, and before the older one gets home from school, to check Facebook, e-mail, or blog.

    Also, thank you SO much for your kind comments!! I've tried to reach you privately, but I've been unsuccessful! Anyway, your sweet words really make my day, and I appreciate your support!!

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  4. Monica, it's a constant journey, just when you think you are figuring things out, WHAMO, something totally knocks you into humility...which is kind of the point of our existance..isn't it?? I've got a long road ahead of me, but it's certainly a blessing to have travel companions!

    Lynn, well...the computer thing is another issue, but it doesn't seem to cause as much trouble for some reason as me talking on the phone...I think it's because I am still watching them and talking and or hearing them if I am on the computer for a couple of minutes here and there, but the phone totally occupies my attention. I also lack the ability to multi-task while I am speaking or listening to someone.

    Beth, I love your blog, it's fun to see someone who is thrifty with fabulous style!! You've got great ideas!!

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  5. I have the same problem. It is hard being at home by yourself with small children sometimes you just want some adult conversation! The joke around my family of origin is that we can not talk on the phone for less then 45 minutes. I can't seem to get my mom or sisters off the phone any faster. And they ALL seem to call at least every other day and sometimes daily. By the time I make the rounds with them the day is gone. It has been quieter though without having cell service because of the storms. I can still text but can't call out or in. However, after things get back to normal I will have to put this rule into place as well.

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  6. ahh yes, the phone and the computer are the buttons that seem to push my kids into hyper-annoying drive. If only I could make phone calls during the night but most businesses are only open until 5 and I doubt friends would appreciate me calling them then. We recently got a new phone system with a headset and when I talk on the phone with that it doesn't drive them quite as wild because my hands are free to continue holding the baby or walking around the house with him or helping Alaina or Nicholas with a puzzle or something to make them feel like I'm still sort of connected to them. It's still a good idea to set time limits though.

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  7. Erika, most business phone calls don't last more than 5 minutes...for the most part, I don't count being on hold because I just set the phone down and put it on speaker so I know when a real human picks up. I am not suggesting this plan for everyone, but desperate times called for desperate measures with my boys. I also don't foresee this being permanant. Also, I wouldn't ignore someone if they needed to speak to me....but overall, this has been working for us. Unfortunately, the hands free factor wouldn't matter, it's not my hands they want, it's my attention. As I said in my post, I have a difficult time multi-tasking when I'm trying to really listen to someone...not everyone has that issue. That IS a creative idea, though. I'm glad it works for you.

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